Here I am, at my computer. My fingers are at home, safe. I've developed a writing bump on my finger from scribbling notes. I haven't had one of these (way chic) bird finger bumps since college when I sat under the giant maple tree on campus and wrote faux beat poetry. It's been awhile.
I've spent the week soaking in this world. Some of it I love (the readings, the panels, open mic, Julianna Baggott, Abby Thomas, Eileen Pollack). Some of it I hate (Heated POINTLESS debates about religion, Arrogant people). I'm being taught, (by brilliant litearary minds) but mostly I'm being humbled (I'm not a brilliant writing prodigy? Are you sure?).
In some ways I feel old, like my proverbial ship has sailed. The time for becoming a writer, getting fancy degrees that declare me to be literary, and philosophising about weather or not to include religion in my writing has passed. Destined for the writer's cemetary and only twenty nine!
Another realization I have had this week is that...wait for this one people...you ready?...here it is: I am not a great writer. Sad. Everyone take a moment and shed a tear. I am ambitious and I know how to write lovely little words but inasmuch as becoming a novelist is concerned I-- my three readers-- am a baby writer. An infant who cannot speak, walk, talk or even communicate in this world. In my writing I am the following: Overly sentimental. Cliche. Dishonest to reality. Manipulative. Clueless as to how to write a novel. I could go on and on and on.
I am a "very talented writer" and can paint a pretty picture made of words, shaded with images and tinted with characters, but pretty pictures aren't real. To be real and great I'm going to have to grow up.
Yes, I am a baby writer. And it sucks.
P.S. If someone chooses spike leopard print heels over chaco's can they really be a writer? Sigh.
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